Superhero
by InsaneDutchGirl
Summary: Sometimes the helping hands in your life aren't as gentle as you would like. Just a small mind drable of what is going on inside my head. It may help people who are struggling.


**Just some things going through my head at this moment. Maybe it can cheer some people up. It did so for me anyways :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT, only my imagination**

Superhero

I slam my door closed and throw myself on my bed, a pillow smothering my harsh breathing. _You need to grow up Mikey, stop playing around. Be serious for once. Quit messing everything up. Stop being such a nuisance. _

They keep saying that. Why? Don't they get I'm trying my best every time? It's not on purpose that I apparently screw up everything I try to do. I can't be them and I never tried to be. Master Splinter always told us we should always be ourselves but now even he doesn't want me anymore. Maybe he didn't yell at me but his words were as harsh as my brothers' were.

I can't believe they actually said that. That they called me a liability and that I need to grow up. As my family they should know how much I fear growing up. I've seen them doing it and it never looked pretty. When Leo grew up he stopped hanging out with the rest of us. He became so obsessed with training and becoming 'a better leader' that he never made time for us anymore. He used to be the first to comfort me after a nightmare when I woke up screaming. Now he hardly hears me anymore just because he's completely tired out when he goes to sleep. Not that he would want to hug a crybaby who can't even sleep by himself. He's too grown-up for that.

And Raph, he became like a monster. He's completely devoured by anger lately and all he wants is to compete with Leo. He has grown up, sure, but he can't control himself anymore. He used to calm down from his rages by playing a game with us or listening to a story from Master Splinter. Maybe you can't believe that but Raph once really was a happy child. The only problem is that he grew up.

Same goes for Donnie. Every day he gets older, he literally becomes wiser. And every time he becomes wiser, he'll be more withdrawn; hiding in his lab and not noticing anyone around him. He never really talks to me anymore or tries to explain what is going around in his head. I never really understood him when he did but I tried to at least. And Donnie loved it to teach me stuff. If he just hadn't grown up.

And that's why I don't want to but it is hard. They keep punishing me for something I strongly believe in. If they would just listen to me for once maybe they would get it too. But I guess that's too much to ask from them. After all, they're the grown-ups.

I sigh, rolling onto my back so my face is upwards. I feel a wet spot where my tears have soaked into the pillow. I didn't even realize I cried. Glad the guys didn't see that.

Sometimes I just need to let everything out. All the kicks and the blows, the verbal assaults and Raph's physical ones, they need an outlet. And because I don't have one, they come in the form of tears. They call me a baby because of them but after crying some I usually feel much better. I can take on the world again and smile for the team. Building up the tears that aren't allowed to fall up until I can't hold them anymore. If the guys would just see what they did to me. I can't stand the rejection all the time.

Okay now I'm being unrealistic. They're not _always_ pouncing on me. Sensei compliments me often enough during training. I think he finally sees that my way of fighting isn't necessarily bad and that his way of teaching doesn't always work for me.

Leo sometimes takes me to the dojo and uses his personal training time to help me out a little. Not that I really need his help but I think he knows I need some alone-time with him too. There are times we really have fun when training together.

Raph maybe pounces on me a lot but when he goes too far, he's the first to ice my bruises and play a videogame. And if his anger is already worked out on his punchingbag or some Purple Dragons, we can really have a great time together without me getting hurt.

And Donnie invents some really cool stuff for me. He might complain but he always fixes my stuff and sometimes even upgrades them, just for fun. That's when I get to hang out with him. When we test his new inventions which he made, as how he puts it, Mikey-proof.

I hear the knocking on my door but don't answer. I'm not ready to talk yet. Eventually it stops and I go back to watching my ceiling aimlessly.

This doesn't work. I'm trying to get myself to think positive and get myself to cheer up a little. I always do that and often it works. That is, until the next time they blow up on me. Maybe I want to blow up some time too. Just light me and watch the explosion.

You know what? Forget that. I'm not letting those guys get to me this easily. They're gonna see that you can't kick me down when I'm already on the ground. That doesn't matter. I'm gonna stand up, take a stance and fight them again. Turn the pain into power. They're not right, I'm going to show them that!

Wait what!

I suddenly sit up, my heart thumping in realization. That's what they want. My family doesn't want me to feel low, to treat me like dirt, to hurt me. They're helping me getting stronger. Huh, I've never looked at it that way. Mostly because I used to brush of their insults, leaving a badly stinging pain in my chest and my brothers being even more annoyed. Are they looking for a different response?

"Mikey please come out now. We aren't angry at you anymore."

Leo's voice echoes through my room and makes me smile. They're my family. I can trust them to always have my back and be there for me. And now I think back, every time they yelled at me ended in us doing something fun to cheer me up.

I open the door and smile up to Leo. He frowns however and runs a finger over my damp mask. I quickly untie the knot and throw the fabric behind me on my room's dirty floor It doesn't stop Leo from sighing though.

"You know we don't want to hurt you, right? It's for-"

"My own good," I finish the sentence, smiling up gleefully. "I know Leo, I get it. You just want to make me stronger so I can manage myself."

Emotionally and Physically, I add silently in my head. I guess I finally learned my lesson then. Life can be tough and only the lessons coming along with it will harden you against that. I guess I'm just glad my family wants to help me getting stronger. I'm not going to grow up. Mature maybe, but not growing up. As long as my family looks after me I don't need to, and because of that, I can take care of them too. Just in my own ways. If only I knew this before. Hell do they even know what they're doing? Surely Master Splinter must know but I don't think Raph has a single clue. It doesn't make me less grateful though.

When I stalk of to the living room, leaving a bewildered brother in my wake, my smile falters a little. This won't be the last time I'm going to be hurt. And it won't be the last time I have to deal with it alone. I guess that's how the armor is made to protect your body, how the heart steals itself against cold, harsh reality and how a kid can strengthen himself to safeguard his family from the ones who mean harm.

It's how the superheroes learn to fly.

**For everyone who is hurting, turn the pain into power and learn to fly. There's no reason to get angry, sad or lost. And if the pain will become too much, there will always be voices who'll try and lure you back where you belong. Trust me ;) **


End file.
